Tag Archives: neighbor

Operation Dump Redemption

I was beginning to think this neighborhood had lost its weirdness but I was wrong.  It’s only a matter of time around here. 

I’m sure everyone has their own interesting people in their neighborhoods but for some reason our neighborhood seems to be in the category of just plain weird.

I used to think I was the only one constantly entertained by the weirdness but luckily, my friend/neighbor Anne is equally obsessed and also willing/coming up with  ideas to deal with the various issues that go on.

The house she lives in used to be owned by a woman who for some reason seemed to enjoy having creepy men around.  I had called the police more than once because of domestic violence.  Ole Jimmy finally got caught and went to jail. That’s a whole other story.  My god there are a lot of stories about my neighbors.  She ended up leaving in the middle of the night a few years ago due to foreclosure I think.  Needless to say I was not sad to hear the news.  Anyway, Anne and her boyfriend bought the house a couple of years ago and completely de-funked/remodeled the place and it looks awesome!

Moving on to the more interesting neighbors.  Because this neighborhood is pretty old a lot of the houses still have businesses in the bottom half. One being the dry cleaners who is owned by an asian couple in their 90’s (lets call them the Tiny Dumpers).  They are two of the smallest people I have ever seen in my life.   And next to them is their daughter and her husband Julio, who have a sewing machine repair shop in the bottom of their house. 

I have had my fair share of issues with Julio including but not limited to:

Having half their deck on our property, throwing garbage over the fence into our yard (apparently it’s a family thing),  various loud altercations with his wife, conservative talk radio shows blaring for days on end (by days I mean 24/7. There was a point last summer where the radio was coming on every morning at 5 am and Anne had gone over there and ripped the radio out of the outside wall). And the latest treat was a rooster. Just a rooster. It’s gone now and I can only assume the worst.

The Tiny Dumpers have a reputation for creeping around early in the morning and dumping their garbage in other people’s trash cans. I normally don’t care or even notice but they officially went too far this week.  One would think they have gotten pretty good at dispersing the trash to various cans and making sure it couldn’t be traced back to them since they have been doing it for so long.  Maybe they were in a hurry this time.  And this is what happens when you rush a job:

Notice the hoses

Thursday morning I got a call from Anne saying someone had dumped a bunch of trash in our YARD DEBRIS dumpster.  We were both surprised it had taken that long for it to happen.  I told her it was probably the Tiny Dumpers.  Then she texted me and said she was going to go thru the trash to see if she could figure out who’s it was (a woman after my own heart). It only took about 30 seconds for her to call and tell me it was for sure them.

There were a number of clues that lead her to her conclusion.

1. Hoses tied up with black string that matched some other things they had tied up in their yard (as seen above).

In our dumpster

Styrofoam in their yard-note the black ties.

2. A Styrofoam top that had a matching bottom in their yard. 

 3. Canned goods with Chinese writing on it.  Sorry no picture.

4. A bag of leaves cut from the same tree that is in their yard.

We obviously had enough evidence to make a conviction.  So we decided it would only be right to bring the trash back to them. Of course Anne had already organized the garbage (again, love her) and piled it up in my recycling bin by the time I got over there.

I printed out a few things for the Tiny Dumpers reading enjoyment about the fines for illegal dumping and the number for our garbage service so he could set up an account.  (I apologize in advance for the formatting in the upcoming photos).

An informative brochure


Oregon laws for illegal dumping


Some constructive criticism


A few glasses of wine later we were ready to make the dump.

As you can see we placed it nicely in front of the gate. We also taped the information on his door. 

Very organized

We came back to my house to watch and see if they would come out. We heard some rattling and clanking and realized it was the Tiny Dumpers getting things organized for the midnight dump. We then heard their son-in-law Julio come home next door and he was screaming and yelling about something but we couldn’t tell what it was about but we knew he saw the trash. There was no way he could have missed it.

We didn’t have an ideal view of the scene so we decided to walk around the block to see if they had found their trash. They had. All the lights were on, gate was open, trash was taken back into their yard. As of today we have not heard from any of them.  I don’t know why I would think they would say anything.  Can they really get mad at us? Now THAT would be funny. 

I hope they feel really guilty for doing it. I know I would be mortified if that happened to me.  But I would also think it was hilarious to know I had been caught. I’m sure the last thing on their mind was thinking someone would actually go through their garbage they illegally dumped. Little did they know there were 2 ladies around the corner who have a small obsession with garbage. And the neighborhood.


Peace-The Saga Continues

Just for the record I would like to say that I WAS SO RIGHT about Peace! Thanks to my neighbor who went to their graduation party last weekend I received crucial information about him that I needed to continue with my stalking.

We were both invited to the party via notecard taped to our front doors. Mine said to please come to the party and if there are any problems or if they were too loud to call them. My neighbor’s was an apology for blaring their music out of the car at 3 am (she went out in her underwear and screamed at them last weekend) followed by an invite to the party.

I decided not to go because my dad was in town but mostly because I would have rather eaten my own leg off at the knee than have to be formally introduced to Peace.  I suppose if I would have had a few drinks I would have gone but I would have been really rude and sarcastic. I’m trying to cut back on that.

My neighbor said she felt like they were sincerely sorry about the 3 am business and she would make an appearance. She’s nicer than I am.

So she goes to the party. The next day she informs me that Peace (she was introduced to him but couldn’t remember his name because all she could think about was his more appropriate name, Peace) lives in the house with his sister THAT HIS DAD BOUGHT. He bought their cars, the house, the fucking dirt that is still out front, and all of the catered food for the party. Now I’m not saying it’s a bad thing or he’s a bad person for getting all that. I’ve had my fair share of things given to me by my parents but what really gets me is that I would never move in to a house my dad bought me and immediately piss off the neighbors. Even when I was 20. Most people have enough sense to know that when you are the new neighbor, you want to make a good impression. At least that’s what I would do.

The best part of the story is that when she was introduced to Peace  as “his neighbor” he slowly started backing away in a joking/maybe a little scared kind of way.  And what did my neighbor (who I thought was my friend) do? She says to him, “NO I’m not THAT neighbor across the street (pointing at my house), I live next to her!”. 

So something occurs to me as she’s telling me the story: this guy is afraid of me because I said a few words to his idiot friend  who parked in my driveway but he’s not scared of the crazy lady screaming on the front porch in her underwear at 3am? I don’t get it.

Ok ok, so they seem like nice people who don’t mean to cause problems but it all backfires when you are a TOTAL FUCKING IDIOT. Peace just rubs me the wrong way. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. I saw him walking home a few days ago in the pouring rain wearing only a bathing suit. He’s just making it so easy for me to continue to talk shit about him. I actually can’t come up with any explanation for that scenario which is annoying me. Where was he coming from? Was he swimming or is that just what he wears when it rains?

I’m sure I will continue to update on this fascinating subject. I told my neighbor that because she threw me under the bus at their party that I was going to do the same to her in this blog. How embarrassing for her that all my readers know she sleeps in her underwear.

I’m so immature.


Our neighbors across the street put their house up for sale a few months ago. The main reason they said was because the train had gotten so loud they just couldn’t handle it anymore (it is really bad). They were really good neighbors. Nice people. The condo sold and my other neighbors and I were very interested to see who was moving in. We are all pretty friendly and all around the same age so I was hoping it would at least be someone who would “fit” the neighborhood profile.

The first week of move in I saw who our new potential friend would be. A twenty something “trustafarian” dude looking very hippy-ish yet had a nice Audi with an even nicer sound system (I’ll get to the later).

I commented to my neighbor that this guy “wasn’t going to go over well”.  She agreed.  I was polite when I saw him, waved and smiled all the while secretly judging him and waiting for him to do something to piss me off. I am not neighborhood watch by any means (I retired from that job after the crack heads with Kujo moved out next door), but there always seems to be weird stuff going on.  Or maybe it’s just me that weird stuff happens to. 

New neighbor guy (I’ll refer to him as Peace because I never bothered to get his name) was setting up some sort of operation in the garage that looked a little suspicious but I wasn’t sure what it was. I had an idea but was waiting to see if my assumptions were correct.  And while he was unpacking he was blaring music from his car. And by blaring I don’t mean it was kinda loud. I mean I heard it in my car, a block away, with the windows rolled up. Not just an underlying beat but clear rapping. I parked the car, got Owen out and look over and he sees me and gives me the peace sign. What? Really? By doing that does he mean “hey my music is awesome and you have to listen to it too” or “this is cool that I do this right?” Strike one for Peace.

We have a pretty steep and generally difficult driveway and it takes some good maneuvering to get both cars in and out of it. We literally have to use every inch of concrete that was given to us.  We also have a problem of people blocking the driveway on a fairly regular basis. So much so that I have the phone number for the parking police in my contacts. They are really good at their job. I love them. I love them especially because when some dickhead blocks my driveway, gets out of his car and looks, then walks across the street obviously making the decision to not care, and goes in to Peace’s house, I can be sure they will be there promptly.  I didn’t call right away. I took the animals for a walk first and told myself I would give him 20 minutes since people are always “stopping in quickly” over there. I know exactly what he is doing and it annoys the hell out of me that he is so obvious about it.  Strike two. 

So I get home from my walk and the car is still there. I call my pals at the parking bureau and wait. The meter maid shows up about 10 minutes later and starts writing a ticket and the guy comes running out to see what’s going on. So I open the window of course. I have to put Grizwald outside because I am in stealth mode now and that means no distractions. 

The guy is actually arguing with the meter maid about his parking job. Like real arguing. What could he possibly be saying to defend himself you ask? Well, he says, “Yada yada yada…If I would have known these guys were such sticklers I would have never parked there”!  That earned him a visit from me,  but not before he gets into his car, moves it into Peace’s driveway, blocks the sidewalk, and gets another ticket. I decided that would be a good time to go over talk to him about the stickler comment.  Before I even open my mouth Meter Maid looks at me and says “you know you should have just backed your car up to the end of the driveway and you could have blocked him completely in. Then I could have had his car towed”. I told him I would do that next time. I asked the guy if he really thought I was a stickler and he said “yeah man, I’m, like, barely in your driveway, but we’re cool right?”  I had Owen with me so I made the motherly decision not to beat the shit out of the guy for being such an idiot.  It’s probably best not let your child see you do something like that. 

Anyway, I can’t say Peace is necessarily a bad neighbor (but he does leave his garbage cans out all week and I know it’s because he doesn’t know what day it comes. Strike 3-refer to feelings about garbage in Garbage Day post) but he just rubs me the wrong  way. I can’t stand the peace sign crap.  Why can’t he just wave or say hi?  I feel like he is doing it to make me less of a “stickler”.  My new favorite word.