That one time I dug up a body in my backyard

We live in a house that was built in 1904 and I believe the fig tree in the back yard was planted around the same time. It is huge and out of control and grows like a weed.

I decided to tackle it a few years ago (at the time I didn’t know I would have to tackle it every year) by cutting back all the under growth and the thousands of volunteers to make a nice little shaded area to sit. It sounded nice at the time but I was quickly distracted with some other “issues” in that area.

I had gotten all the brush and debris out from underneath and was going to put a border around it using one of those black plastic edging things. So I started digging a little trench to place the edging.

During the few days I was back there Grizwald had found a few bones that I didn’t think anything of. I thought they were maybe old dog bones or something. They looked old but were on the surface which seemed odd.

As I started digging my trench I found a few more little bones. And then a few more, and a few more. I was also finding a lot of shredded plastic and little rocks in the same area.

Naturally I decided to stop what I was doing and focus on the bones. It was much more exciting anyway. I moved away from the trench area slightly and starting digging again. The bones were everywhere and were also in a familiar pattern. A pattern of a body. I had just uncovered the femur when I thought maybe this wasn’t someone’s dead dog they buried here. I have seen human bones and many other bones of different animals and I knew it was human. Or I guess it could have been Bigfoot but either way, a homo sapien.

The other weird thing was that the bones weren’t even that far down in the ground. Almost at the surface. My theory is that the roots of the fig tree slowly moved the body upwards to the surface and whoever murdered this person stuck them in a bag, buried them and poured rocks over them and didn’t, at the time, realize the tiny fig tree would get so big. Of course the story I made up in my head was most likely not even close to being true but it made it a little more exciting.

I continued to dig up almost every bone except for the skull (I am convinced it’s there but under the shed). I laid all the bones out on the deck to get a good look at it before I called the police. I didn’t want to just throw somebody(hehe)  in the garbage and thought there was probably someone who dealt with these things.

Nick was not thrilled about the body on the deck. I had forgotten we were having some people over for a BBQ that night. He said it would be nice if our backyard didn’t look like a crime scene. I told him I was doing a historical survey of the area.

So I called the non emergency line and a very funny cop came to check out the “crime scene”. He asked where the skull was and I told him I hadn’t found it yet. He said “you know people used to cut the heads off victims and bury them away from the body so you couldn’t ID them”. Perfect. My theory was starting to sound like reality.

He told me he needed to call the medical examiner and have her come out to take pictures. This was turning into the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.

When she got there she asked me some questions and got her camera out. It was just like the creepy one from Silence of the Lambs with the high-pitched humming sound. I wish I still had the picture I took of the medical examiner taking pictures of the body. She probably thought it was really creepy having some person standing behind her taking pictures. The only non blurry shot I got is pretty much her butt. You would never even know what was going on. Of course I can’t find the picture.

When she was done she said she couldn’t do anything until I found the skull but she would take the rest of the body for now.

The cop told me I should get to work finding the skull and I told him where I thought it was and he said “you better move that shed or you’re never gonna know what happened back here”.

I was reminded of this story last week when a house on the corner of our street had a pile of bones sitting next to the fence. They had also been doing some landscaping it looked like.

I think I stopped looking because I really did need to move the shed if I wanted to continue with my new job as a CSI agent. I still find bones occasionally when I’m weeding in various areas of the back yard. I don’t really think there was a murder since there are lots of bones all around our block. The medical examiner said she thought the bones were more than 50 years old. I’m not sure why there are so many around but I do know that I want to find the skull.  That would be cool.  I gotta move that shed!


2 responses to “That one time I dug up a body in my backyard

  1. Tell me when and where and I will help move the shed!

  2. Melissa and Sara, I say we make a date of it! Now that finals are over, I have much more “free” time which means I need things to occupy myself!

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